he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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