So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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