I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
