OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Randomize
