She's JV to your varsity
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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