sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
