I faked an abortion last night.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
