I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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