I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
