I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
