youre lurking in front of me
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
