Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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