all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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