Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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