I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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