Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
