I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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