aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
