After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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