Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I am midnight drunk by noon
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
