So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
