Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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