I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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