Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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