OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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