I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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