you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
