Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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