You're completely useless in the revolution.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize