he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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