If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
