Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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