actually, I'm a sock model
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
