Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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