i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
