There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
