so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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