ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
