Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't deserve a penis
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
