We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
