she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
