Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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