I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
