Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
