just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
