please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
