my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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