I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I will pee on everything he values.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
