I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
