he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
