i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
