farters have to be the big spoon...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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