She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't want my vagina anymore.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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