I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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