I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize