did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
