i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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