You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize