All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
