do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
