I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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