Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
