just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
