Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
