I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
its not stalking. its research.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
