Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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