Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
