I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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