ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
