So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
