lets start a swedish sibling band together
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
