If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
