You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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