She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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