dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
