i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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