My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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