My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
