I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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