so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
